One Does Not Simply
by MistyxKisame
Summary: One does not simply cheat and make your wife angry without consequences…especially if your wife is a freaking goddess. Meanwhile Witch Princess tries to keep her man with the help of her hesitant niece, Witchkin
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harvest Moon. I do own two of the games on DS and psp though.

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I don't know why I married her. I really don't. Originally the plan was to marry my dearest Elli, the adorable little nurse in town. However everything changed when she married her long time crush, Dr. Trent. I long ago thought she fallen out of love with him, but it turned out she hadn't. Behind all those kind smiles, kisses, and lunches she would make for me laid a more sinister motive…to make Trent jealous. I don't know if that was the plan or it just happened, but all I know is that she's married.

Popuri, another girl who I liked, was already married and living off somewhere with her newly wed husband Kai, a good friend of mine. I didn't mind so much because Kai's my best friend and I wanted them to be happy. The other girls Mary, Ann, and Karen were still surprisingly still available, although I think Gray is close to proposing to Mary. Mary's smart, interesting, and very pretty. Ann's cheerful, cute, and can cook delicious food. Karen's pretty and fun to be around. All I'm saying is that I wish I picked differently.

Marina (otherwise known as the Harvest Goddess) is a horrible wife. When she was pregnant, she told and left without hearing my input. Then afterwards, she dumped the baby on me and left. Plus, she never visits me! I always have to come to her and whenever I try asking her to babysit our son Akira so I can work, she says no, ask the sprites and leaves. She doesn't give me help with our son and she only sees our son around 7 times a year…8 if we're lucky. That would be anniversaries, 3 birthdays, festivals, and maybe a picnic or two. She's not a very busy woman. Those sprites tell me what she's up to. Reading magazines, getting into fights with some princess, and 7 other things that don't usually include being helpful.

I left her on boat to another place. Since I had farming experience and a good bit of money, I could take care of my son and myself. I decided to move to some place where she couldn't find me…to my knowledge. She never sees me anyway, so what's the harm in leaving for a bit? Actually there wasn't any at all. I moved to a small little town with plenty of farm land and bought out a rundown farm for next to nothing. I liked it there and the women weren't half bad, especially a blonde barmaid named Muffy.

She was pretty good looking and looked far better than any of the girls from Mineral Town (excluding Karen and she was somewhere on the same level as Popuri). She has curves in all the right places and she obviously had a crush on me, much to my delight. She gets along great with my son and I would sometimes hear her say she wished that Akira was hers or she hopes she can have a child as precious as him whenever I was coming to get him after letting her watch him for me.

There's another girl who likes me too. Her name is Witch princess. I have no clue why though. Don't get me wrong, she's cute too, but she's bit crazy. She takes delight in animals' deaths and littering. She even gave me useless junk once after I was apparently throwing away things that I didn't find out until later that it was weeds. All she talks about is my wife and how horrible she is. So this is the woman Marina was referring too. I of course don't tell her about my wife, but whenever she looks at my son, she can't help but to remark that my son looks like he has Marina's eyes.

One night we were drinking and just fooling around while Akira was at Lumina's with Muffy when WP asked me to make love to her. Being drunk and not letting an opportunity go to waste, I agreed. However WP wanted it to be romantic so we went by a sparkling pond and had sex. It was amazing…until Marina popped up looking furious, embarrassed, and hurt. WP got angry when I started getting dressed and she yelled at Marina and the sprites who had to be the ones summoning her because she wouldn't have come otherwise.

It's been a week since that's happened and after I ran like a coward to get my son and rush back home, I wondered what would happen next. Would my crops fail? Would she come to destroy me? She's already tried taking back Akira by sending those pathetic sprites. Would she come for him herself? Only time will tell.

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A/N: This fanfic basically is a rant in the form of a story. The Harvest Goddess has to be one of the worst wives (in some games at least) in the HM series. PS SHE ACTUALLY LIVES WITH YOU IN HM: SAVE THE HOMELAND(S) SO WHY NOT IN OTHER GAMES? BULLSHIT!

Review please!


	2. Chapter 2

Marina growled as she walked back and forth in her husband's old home in Mineral town. How dare that idiot cheat on her? Of all the things she did for him! Didn't she always stay loyal to him? Granted he was the only man she had ever been married to and the only person she had ever been with. Not only had she granted him the privilege of marrying her, but she had also given him a child. That fool didn't know how lucky he was to marry someone like her. She could have told him no as there were plenty of other people who wanted to marry her...although no one had ever tried proposing to her or had shown any intentions of wanting to date or marry her.

"I just don't understand!" she growled as she continued to walk back and forth while the harvest sprites watched her do so. "Why did he leave me for her of all people!? What have I done to make him think its okay to skip town and..and have sex with some...dirty...little...pig!"

Suddenly the sprites then looked at each other and then huddled in a circle to determine what to do say and what not to say. Then they drew straws on who would tell her the truth. It was decided that Chief would do it instead.

"Uh...Harvest Goddess?"

"What?"

"I think we may know why he may have ran off like he did." he said nervously. The other sprites nodded and backed up a good distance away from the Goddess.

"Oh? Well then go on and say it." she said crossing her arms. 'I can't wait to hear this.'

"You haven't really been a good wife to him."

"WHAT?!"

"I-I'm sorry, but its true. You don't really pay him any attention."

"I do so!" she said angrily.

"No you don't!" piped Aqua. "You never come home for a few hours, a family dinner..."

"...or for a family pinic." said Staid.

"I did go on a family picnic with my husband and child!"

"Yeah, once!" mumbled Aqua.

"You shut up!" Marina snapped. "He's only 1. I didn't want him to catch a cold when he as younger. His immune system wasn't high enough for a family outing!"

"Yeah sure." mumbled a couple of sprites.

"Any who I have come over for a family dinner. I just so happened to celebrate my son's birthday before my husband moved away. As a matter of fact I even cooked dinner and got myself all dressed up for that event,"

"You wore the exact same outfit you usually put on." mumbled the red sprite. "You didn't even put on any makeup or anything. Not even a single thong..."

"EXCUSE ME?!" She blushed, glaring at the sprite.

"I-I mean...I-I...I'll shut up now."

"You'd better." she shook her fist at the sprite. "All of you better had."

While she was angry for the sprites for saying such things to their boss, she knew they were right. Since she was a goddess, she couldn't be at home all the time because of her work...at least thats what she told the sprites and her husband when they first got married. However in reality she was really being noisy, as she found human drama more interesting than her own work, which never took long because of the sprites. Plus she often got into fights with Witch Princess and the very few occasions where she granted wishes for others when harvest was thrown into the ponds she had. Also, she took pleasure in indulging in the food people left her at shrines and ate them while reading magazines and her favorite manga.

Deep down she knew she wasn't a good wife to Pete and she really couldn't blame him for leaving her. She'd leave herself too if she had been in the same situation. However her stubborn ways ignored all that and she wanted revenge for the man who didn't appreciate her. She would make both of them pay. Oh yes they would pay dearly. But...how though? Make his crops fail? Yes, that would work, but then her son would starve and she couldn't have that. Could she play dirty back and date someone herself? No, because he was already seeing someone and probably wouldnt care.

Suddenly she thought of a brilliant idea. She'd just embarass him the best way she knew how: she'd just show up and tell everyone how he cheated on her. She didn't know any other way how, but it would do for now. As for witch princess, she'd just mislabel her potion ingredients. As long as her son didn't get hurt in the process, her plans would get through perfectly.


	3. Chapter 3

After hiding in his closet for 5 days with Mark (his son) bringing him food and water, he finally decided to come out. You could only be in a closet for so long before your 6 year old son set fire to the house which nearly happened. Luckily Nami could see the smoke coming out of the window and came to turn the oven off.

"You shouldn't be playing with stoves, Mark!" snapped his father. "You could have gotten hurt or killed us of both!"

"It wouldn't have happened if you'd come outta that closet." Nami said rolling her eyes.

"Who asked you?" Pete glared at the red haired woman. He never did like Nami. She always came off as a bit bitchy and stuck up. When he first arrived in town, he fell heads on heels in love with her (well her and a few other girls). When he talked to her, she acted all funny. At first he thought it was because she was a loner or didn't want to speak to anyone she didn't know.

He managed to see what she liked only to find out she still acted all funny. It ticked him off that she always acted like she hated him or wished he would bother someone else. However he suspected she had a crush on him as she would get annoyed if he spoke to another girl or gave her gifts and she let him know how she felt about that.

"No one, but I'll give my opinion if I wish." she picked up Mark. "Why are you hiding in a closet anyway? You wouldn't happen to be hiding from Muffy would you?"

"No, I'm hiding from..." Pete he said "The Harvest Goddess", she'd probably laugh at him, call him silly, and tease him. If he said Marina, she wouldn't know who that was, so he's say so and make up a good lie.

"Mom!" said Mark.

"Huh?" Nami looked down at the small child. "Mom?"

'Thanks a lot kid.' Pete scowled.

"Yeah! Mom's mad cuz he's been bad." giggled the little boy.

"I thought you said your wife was dead." Nami frowned. "Is she haunting you or something?"

Nami seemed to be hoping that was the case. Pete looked nervous. "Well...I...um...you see the thing is...I...er..."

"Silly, Nami-chan! Dad left mom cuz mommy wasn't paying any attention to him." Mark said as his father tried to get him to shut up. "He left her and came her to get married again on the sly and get me a new mom even though he's still married!"

"I never told you that part!" Pete then quickly covered up his mouth but it was too late.

"Y-you're still married?" Nami looked shocked. "I..."

"Nami look, I can explain! I..." He was interrupted with a slap in the face.

"You lied to me! I can't believe you, you...you...you dirty rotten piece of garbage!" Nami had her fists clinched in anger. You could tell she was holding back from beating his ass and using much stronger language. "Why did you say that your wife was dead?"

"Cuz I know I most likely couldn't get with anybody if they knew my wife was still alive."

"You're disgusting!" Nami scowled. "You don't deserve me...I-I mean female in the village!"

"I can't help I don't have feelings for her anymore. I'd rather be with someone kind and gentle. You know, the type to give me massages, cook dinner, letting me come home to a nice smiling pretty face, ask me about my day and if I'm having a bad one, make it all go up hill by doing...uh...certain things...and you know, things married people do for each other."

"You mean like some sort of trophy wife?"

"What? No! You know what I mean! You know, someone kind and loving, like Lumina and Muffy!"

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Why you...FUCK YOU!" Nami punched him. "You're an idiot! I never wanna speak to you again!"

With that, Nami ran out of the house. Pete looked at his son. "I wonder what her problem is."

"She probably needs a nap." shrugged Mark.

"Yeah. Speaking of naps, I could really use one and so could you." Pete scooped up his son and walked into his bedroom he shared with his only child.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you like Auntie Muffy more than Auntie Princess?" the little boy asked, referring to Witch Princess.

"Duh, kid. Muffy has a way nicer a...I mean attitude!" the farmer had almost said Muffy had a nicer ass, but remembered who he was talking to. Overall, that wasn't the only thing he liked about Muffy. She made some damn good food and she was pretty nice too. She'd make a much better wife than Marina. Heck she had heavily implied over the past few weeks that she wanted to get married soon.

As for WP, she was pretty too and could be nice when she felt like it, but all she was is a nice piece of ass to tap. A serious relationship didn't seem possible in the future for them. Plus she was a bit crazy. Although he really didn't want to be in a relationship with her, she kept talking about wanting a child to take after her, aka a witch in training that would be trained by her. His son wasn't too crazy about WP either as she kept wanting the animals on their farm to get sick and die.

"I hope you marry Auntie Muffy." yawned the little boy before drifting off to sleep.

'Don't worry, son. I'll try.' he thought before closing his eyes. He suddenly had a thought. What did WP think about all this? When Marina showed up, WP had yelled at Marina for interrupting their "lovemaking" and mentioned that she would pay. Marina ignored her and yelled at her husband for being with her. Pete had quickly placed on his clothes and ran off just as WP was telling Marina he could date whoever she pleased.

'I hope I don't have to keep hiding form Marina...shoot I hope I don't have to hide from WP either!'

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"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" WP had thrown a potion bottle at the wall, after screaming in rage. "FUUUUUCK!"

"HEY! SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO WORK HERE!" Witchkin shouted the small witch. "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT _YOUR_ LIFE'S STORY WHEN _**MY**_ LIFE IS MUCH MORE INTERESTING!"

"You wouldn't understand! Nobody does! AAAAAAARGH!" She angrily kicked the large boiling pot in her potion and potion book room.

"You're right. I don't understand, but I also don't care." Witchkin yawned. Her aunt was a mystery. Why on earth did she feel like her life was so amazing and everything she did was worthy of attention? What an attention whore!

"You're nothing but a brat. Sometimes I wonder why I even took you in!"

"You took me in because you think you know everything and wanted to teach me what you know. I could have stayed with mom and dad, but you just had to sound so convincing!"

"I shouldn't have told my brother I'd teach you something productive."

"Yes, you shouldn't have. Now we're stuck together until further notice." Witchkin rolled her eyes. "By the way, when's that cute guy coming back over again?"

"That bitch chased him away!" WP pouted.

"Who? Marina?"

"Yes!" She plopped herself in the purple armchair while her niece slid down the stairs and sat across from her. "She came and interrupted us...the stupid cunt! She called him her man and told me to get my hands off him. She had better be glad she ran before I could get her ass!"

"Well he is cute and I don't blame her for wanting him herself!" giggled the blonde child. "His son's not too bad either, hee hee!"

"You like Pete too?!" She looked as if she was going to slap her neice.

"Duh, stupid! If he wasn't older than me, I'd be after him too. However his son and I are the same age...well I'll be 7 next month, so I'm slightly older, but age is but a number, Auntie! If things don't work out between me and Mark-chan, I'll be taking Pete too when I'm older!"

"Like heck you will, brat!" WP growled. "I will have my Pete even if I have to get rid of that whore! Just watch! WATCH! AHAHAHAHAAA!"

"You're crazy if you think you can beat her, but you're free to try." then she mumbled. "Yes, free to try and fail like you usually do."

"I HEARD THAT, SCUMBAG!"

"So?"


End file.
